


The Pull to the Light

by The_British_American_Girls



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Headcanon, M/M, Patricide, The Dark Side of the Force
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-18 03:26:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15476640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_British_American_Girls/pseuds/The_British_American_Girls
Summary: Kylo Ren deals with the emotional aftermath of the destruction of Starkiller Base and his own failure in his fight against the scavenger girl.





	The Pull to the Light

**Author's Note:**

> So, there's the headcanon floating around that Han actually ignited the lightsaber, killing himself to help Ben's return to the light. This was just my idea of how he dealt with that.

Kylo knew little else of what happened after the scavenger girl had defeated him. He passed out from exhaustion and his wounds as she and the Wookie flew off in Han Solo's ship. Kylo recalled being pulled through the snow. His eyes fluttered open.

"Hux?" he questioned when he saw the man with red hair.

"Ren, please, you have to get up!" Hux cried. Were there tears in the man's eyes? "I don't think I can carry you. Please!" Hux helped Kylo stand. "Quickly now, there is a ship waiting. Come on!"

Hux pulled? Dragged? Carried? Kylo wasn't sure exactly, him to the ship he'd mentioned. It was a two-man ship, obviously meant for their extraction. Hux had pulled him inside and strapped him in. He passed out as they took off.

As he woke, he groaned from the pain. His side was inflamed and his head was foggy. And his heart... Had he truly killed his father? He tried to remember, but his head hurt.

"You're awake," he heard Hux's voice say from the doorway. Kylo looked over and saw Hux leaning against the door frame.

Kylo dropped his head back on his pillow. No, not HIS pillow. Where was he?

As if he'd projected the question to Hux, he stepped forward and answered, "I had you brought to my quarters. I didn't trust your care to anyone else." Hux sat on the edge of the bed. He reached over to brush hair from Kylo's face, but Kylo instinctively grabbed his wrist. "Ren, it's alright. It's ME. Armitage. YOUR Armitage. Let go. Please! You're hurting!"

Kylo released his wrist. "I'm sorry. Kriff! I'm so sorry!" Kylo began weeping. Why? He hit his side, trying to cause himself pain. He needed the darkness to take over him. He needed to feel nothing but the dark side. There was too much light. Why? He thought he'd squelched it when he ran Han Solo through with his saber.

"Ren, stop!" Hux ordered as he grabbed at his wrists. "You're going to hurt yourself!"

"That's the point!" Kylo yelled as he thrashed around, trying to pull himself from Hux's grip.

"That's enough!" Hux shouted, as he crawled on top of him and pinned his hands above his head. Kylo stopped and snarled up at him. Quieter, Hux continued, "You're safe here. I'm with you. Nothing is going to harm you now. I promise." There were tears in Hux's eyes. "I thought I'd lost you," he whispered. He leaned down and kissed Kylo gently, letting go of his wrists. The soft press of his lips against Kylo's was all-too familiar. A warmth wafted over Kylo. It reminded him that this was HIS Hux and everything would be okay.

Hux pulled away and stared into Kylo's eyes. He was trying, in vain, to hold back more tears. "Those rebels will pay for what they've done. I won't rest until every last one of them are obliterated from the galaxy!"

Kylo reached up and wiped the tears from Hux's cheeks. Hux closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. "I was so scared I'd lost you."

"I thought you hated me," Kylo reminded him. It was true, they'd been together for a time, but they'd drifted apart as they both focused on their own personal goals. Over the last several months, they'd only spoken in passing. Conversing only as much as needed for the success of their duties.

"Oh, Ren," Hux whispered as he opened his eyes. "I could never truly hate you."

Kylo ran his hand into Hux's hair. "You said you didn't want me if I didn't put you before... Other things." When they had broken off their relationship, it was because Hux could no longer take coming second to Snoke.

"If you love him so much, why not get on your knees for him!?" Hux had shouted.

"How dare you!?" Kylo shouted back. "You put the First Oder before me and yet I'M the one in the wrong for focusing on my apprenticeship!?"

"It's more than an apprenticeship for you, Ren! You're obsessed."

Kylo shook his head. "No more than you are in your desire for the First Order to rule and conquer."

"That's different!" Hux yelled. "My desire for First Order reign is for the good of the galaxy! You and your mystic force nonsense is for your own damn gain. You long for glory for yourself. My desire for glory is for the Order!"

Kylo grew silent. Anger filling him. "If you can't accept that I serve the dark side and that you will always come second to it, then we're done."

Hux snarled. "Fine. Goodbye, Ren."

Back in the present, Hux focused on Kylo. "I was being selfish. I know how much it all means to you. I don't understand it, I don't think I ever WILL. But I love you, Ren. I always have and I think I always will."

Kylo paused. "Love me? YOU? Love ME?"

Hux smiled, tears forming in his eyes. "Yes, Ren. I do."

Kylo pulled his hand away. "I think you should go. I should go to med bay. I shouldn't be here."

"What? Why?"

Kylo shook his head, fighting back tears. "I can't do this Hux. I... The light! I thought it would be gone! I... I killed him!"

Hux wrapped his fingers into Kylo's hair and rested his forehead against his. "My darling! It's alright! We'll get through this. I promise. Yes, yes, you killed him. Han Solo is gone!"

Kylo looked back on that moment. His father standing on the bridge with him. He'd asked him, no, BEGGED him for his help. Kylo knew he had to kill him. But in his heart, he knew he still loved him. The man hadn't truly abandoned him. He sent him away to train with Luke because he thought it was best for him. He knew, deep down, that Han had loved him.

He held the lightsaber between them. What was he asking Han to do? He could not return. He wouldn't! He had found his place at Snoke's side. But he also knew, he couldn't kill his father. Suddenly, the saber ignited. Kylo was confused. He hadn't pressed the switch. Had he? Without even trying, he felt his father's thoughts.

'You can tell him you killed me. It's alright, Ben. I forgive you.'

"Thank you," Kylo whispered and then Han fell.

Kylo now looked up at Hux. "He... I... The light is still there, Hux. It won't ever go away." Han had killed himself. Now, Kylo would never be able to complete his conversion to the dark side. Without being able to fulfil the call of patricide, the light would continue to linger within him.

"We'll take care of it, my love," Hux whispered. "I promise."

"I know," Kylo replied. The only way he'd ever learned to say 'I love you.'

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy this one-shot! Kudos and comments are always appreciated. If you enjoyed this, check out aome of our other work!


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